Nature's beauty

Our Daily Bread
I grew up in a family where my stepfather was an outdoorsman.  He didn't like most sports, but he loved being outdoors to fish, hike and camp.  I was taught from an early age to respect and appreciate nature.  Frankly, I have been allergic to outdoors most of my life.  I couldn't appreciate it as much as I wanted without sneezing and wheezing a lot!

Seeing God in nature is nothing to sneeze at!  ha!  I chuckled about that line ever since I thought of it!  It is amazing to think of the wonders of nature that our Almighty God created with just his words, even the parts that make me sneeze!  He spoke the world into reality and made mankind in his image.  We have the freedom of will and responsibility to live in this world.  It is beautiful even though we have perverted it from God's original plan.  Let us pray that we can truly appreciate God's beautiful creation -- nature and us!

Lord, thank you for the incredible world you created for us!  Please help us see your glory each and every day!

Teaching Tuesday
I didn't take time to finish Mere Christianity this week.  I was taking advantage of the good weather and lots of motivation to get stuff done around the house before my roommate returned home from vacation.  I made time to work on my spiritual autobiography for my EFM class.  Here is the second draft.  I have some more wordsmithing to do on it before I read it to the class.

My Spiritual Autobiography
I first attended church as a child at the Baptist church across from my Grandmother's house. I visited my grandparents a lot, so I attended there several times per year. My mom and dad did not attend church. I remember one special Sunday morning when we were talking about salvation. It all made sense to me as the Holy Spirit spoke to me. I accepted Christ as my savior at the tender age of 8. I started attending church wherever I could until my family caught on. ;-) A close friend at school was a PK (preacher's kid), so I managed to catch a ride to his church. My family started attending church when I was 10. It was nice going to church together and being an active family.

I was very involved at church. I sang in the childrens, youth and adult choirs. I visited folks to invite them to church and witness. I attended Sunday School, Church Training, Wednesday night services and special Bible studies. At the age of 14, I felt God calling me into full time Christian service. I was scared to death about what that really meant. Just after I accepted Christ as my Savior, I also realized I was different than the other kids. I liked men. I said men, not boys. I wasn't attracted to boys my age. I looked at men whenever I got the chance. I thought it was just a passing phase and that I would get married eventually.

I looked forward to my college days. I thought they were amazing even though I started a year later than my original plan. Yes, I usually have a plan! My plan for my life was to get my bachelor's degree in church music, then on to my masters and doctorate before the age of 30. I planned to be a PhD, married and at least one child by that age! Yikes, how plans change! What did I learn in college? Wow! I had friends from all over the world and the USA. I worked in churches all over the midwest. I sang and sang and sang. It was great. I also started talking about my sexuality. I remember writing about being a "bisexual who preferred women" in my Christian Love and Sexuality class. Whoa! The professor said I need to get those thoughts out of my head immediately!

I graduated from college when I was 22 years old. I spent a few years in what I call "the wilderness" working in a secular job and being a part-time minister of music in a Southern Baptist church. I worked in a nursing home for a few years. I even considered skipping seminary and being a nursing home administrator for a vocation. I finally packed up my car and moved to Louisville, Kentucky to attend the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. It was a horrible experience for me! God told me in my prayers that things would get worse before they would get better. I confided in a friend that God was going to allow something to happen to me, but not to worry. God said it would all work out. Shortly after that I found a lump in a place where there weren't supposed to be any lumps. ;-( I had cancer. The treatment required two surgeries and four months of chemotherapy. I was a scared, broke seminary student. I had no idea how I was going to handle all of this.

It is amazing the freedom that you can have when you place everything in God's hands. There were days that I would get four pieces of mail. The first three would be bills that I had no money to pay. The fourth envelope would contain a check for the amount I needed. God provided for me over and over again, including the faith to know that I was cured even when the doctors said I wasn't. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God cured me. BTW, I celebrated 27 years of being cancer free on April 1, 2013! Praise God!

After a second attempt at going to seminary, I looked in the mirror one evening asking God "What am I supposed to do? I have fought this gay thing for so many years. What am I supposed to do?" God gently told me "Why are you fighting me on this? I made you this way for a reason. Be the man I made you. There are others out there that need you to be the man I made you to be." That talk with God changed my life. I started using the phrase "God called me to be gay..." My conservative Southern Baptist friends LOVED that!

At age 36, my life changed again. I met a man. It was like a "Dreamweaver" moment when I saw him across the bar. Sparks flew when I touched his hand. They continued to fly for several years after that. My ex was the first man I ever loved. I am thankful for him. Our relationship lasted for 11.5 years. We were both recovering Southern Baptists, but never made going to church a priority in our relationship.

A few years after we moved to Columbus in 2003, I realized that I had doubts about my relationship. We had been together about nine years at that point. I am a stubborn man. I didn't want to give up easily. I tried to make it work. My ex tried to make it work. We broke up in July 2007. It was the most difficult period in my life. When you can't imagine spending one more day with someone, it is difficult to actually spend the rest of your life with him. ;-( My life changed again. I knew deep in my heart breaking up was the right thing. It was so very difficult to actually do it.

The last few years of my 40s left me tired and weary... yes, weary of pursuing another relationship. I had lots of challenges, but also had a major change in my life -- I started attending church again. I continued to carry through with that commitment to spiritual growth in my 50s. I started with taking the Walk to Emmaus, an intense church retreat weekend. I continued by being involved in small groups at church. God told me that year that I cannot remain a spectator. I need to contribute so I offered to create and lead some small groups. I am very excited about these things. God lead me to the Episcopal church in 2012. He reminds me over and over of the reasons why and continues to surprise me with new people and experiences (like EFM).

I see my life as a road. I am not sure where it is going. I still don't understand all the turns that it made over the years. All I know is that I need to keep walking. I need to keep focused. What does it matter where the road goes as long as God is leading?

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The Lord gives us His grace to live purposeful lives of faith as we await His coming.- Our Daily Bread