Yes, I am only human. I have had a hard time this week with a few things in my life. Before you say 'oh what a downer you are, Duane", I want to say "Praise God!" for being patient with me and for showing me the way.
A perfect example is the devotional today. It is sooooo easy to let sins pile up like dirty laundry. Unfortunately, there is not a Chinese laundry for sins! hehehe There is only one place to go -- Jesus Christ. One stop shopping! The forgiveness superstore! ha! All joking aside, I wrote a little bit about this the other day. It is sometimes difficult to see the short-term effects of our sin. We let one slip in, then another, then another. They start compounding and so do the ramifications of our sins.
The devotional used scriptures from Ephesus where Paul told them not to act like the Gentiles who live only for themselves. Live by the Spirit of God letting his power flow through you. A friend of mine told me recently "maybe you are trying to hard. maybe you should stop trying and let God do things THROUGH you..." I was like, DOH! What do you think I have been TRYING to do... I really didn't get it at the time. I understand a little bit more now.
Lord, I ask you to flow through me, as unworthy vessel as I am. I don't know of any other way to live my life.
Simply Saturday
So there are times in your life when you want to pull back from everything you are doing and everyone in your life. I don't have these times often, but I am having one this week. There is a part of me that wants to drop out of church and all of those activities, back away from non-church friends and spend some time alone. The problem with this is the timing. There are some important things in the works that I think I am supposed to do that are in the planning stages right now. If I back away from things, I will miss out on possibly accomplishing some very important things in my life. Things such as being on team for an Emmaus walk and leading some small groups at church.
I am not feeling worthy of doing any of these things. I don't feel like I have much to contribute to the lives of my friends or family. I feel like an empty well. Is that possibly what the devotional today was talking about? We have to be sensitive to God to know when to empty ourselves of trash so we can fulfill our purpose? Today, I have no freakin' clue. ;-(
The root cause of this "funk" is a situation in my life that I have been dealing with for a few years now. I have never been soooooo wrong about something so important in my life. I have never acted in such bizarre ways about something so important in my life. I can't hardly stand to think about it some days. I don't mind admitting that I am wrong, but there seems to be signs that I am not wrong. I am trying not to read into every little thing to rationalize my thoughts and feelings.
Wait, wasn't I praising God at the beginning of this post? Yes, I was because he sent me the sign I asked for in the devotional today. I need to push forward regardless of the way I feel. I need to push forward regardless if some things in my life aren't going the way I want. I need to push forward because he gave me the inner strength AND the touch of the Holy Spirit to continue my spiritual and life journeys on the right track.
Through this experience, God is teaching me how to better understand and empathize with others. I have not been particularly good about that in my life. Most things have always come easy for me. I thank God for that. I also thank him for letting me learn how I can better serve others for Him.
The bottom line is: I will be fine. I will push forward. Turning back is not really an option. I will do my best to follow the road that God put before me even though I have no idea where it is going. God, please just throw me a bone sometimes when my faith weakens...
Hang in there, my friends! I will be upbeat and steady. That is what I do...
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